Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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