Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
