That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
