I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
