yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
