She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
