I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
