just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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