Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
