well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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