Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
