i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
