only if we run a train.
done.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
