it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
