Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
