I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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