so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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