she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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