Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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