Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
