i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
