I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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