Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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