Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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