when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
