Im at strip club and am horny
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
