is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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