He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
