you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
