It's Friday. Sex?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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