We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
