It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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