The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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