someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize