I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
