went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
