I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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