I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
