from now on my penis is your penis
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
