I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
