Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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