i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
