I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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