cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
