I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize