He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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