whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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