so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
