i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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