dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
