There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
