Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i believe in u and ur pee
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
