Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
