Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
