weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
