I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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