My nipple is on Facebook.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
