Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize