I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
