good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
