somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
