Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
