TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize