Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
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just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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