my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
