just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
