so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
