i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
