i barfeds in our rink
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
