They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
